How Do I Know If I’m Having a Negative Thought? A Therapist's Intro to Cognitive Distortions for Teens

Hey friend,

Have you ever noticed that sometimes your brain feels like it’s on repeat with certain thoughts? Some of those thoughts make you feel good and confident, while others just drag you down. Those “drag you down” thoughts are usually negative thoughts—the kind that don’t really help you, even if they sound like they’re keeping you “safe" or just a "normal" line of thinking. In the therapy room, we call these negative thoughts "Mind Tricks" or "ANTS" which are Automatic Negative Thoughts. The practice is in noticing when you are having a negative thought so you can catch, challenge and change that tricky thing!

But how do you know if a thought is negative or limiting? Here are some clues:

✨ Check how you feel.
If the thought makes you feel worse—like more anxious, sad, embarrassed, or not good enough—that’s a big sign it’s negative. Helpful thoughts usually make you feel calmer, more confident or stronger.

✨ Ask yourself: is this thought 100% true?
Sometimes our brain tells us stories like “nobody likes me” or “I’ll never be good at this.” If you can find even one piece of evidence that proves it wrong, it’s probably not true.

✨ Ask: can I control this?
If your thought is about something you can’t control (like what other people think, or the past), it’s not a helpful place to focus your energy.

✨ Notice if it’s mean.
If the thought sounds like it’s bullying you, it’s negative. Helpful thoughts sound more like a supportive coach or best friend.

A Quick Decision Tree to Try

Here’s a simple way to check your thoughts. Picture it like a little flow chart you can walk through in your head:

Step 1: How do I feel when I think this thought?

• 👉 If I feel worse → go to Step 2
• 👉 If I feel better or motivated → probably a helpful thought

Step 2: Is this thought actually true?

• 👉 Yes, it’s true → go to Step 3
• 👉 No, not really → it’s a negative thought

Step 3: Can I control it?

• 👉 Yes → take an action step (like practicing, asking for help, or speaking kindly to yourself)
• 👉 No → let it go (it’s not worth carrying around)

Step 4: Is it kind?

• 👉 If it’s mean or harsh → it’s a negative thought
• 👉 If it’s encouraging → it’s a helpful thought

Example

Thought: “I’m so bad at making friends.”

• How do I feel when I think this? → Sad and lonely (negative).
• Is it 100% true? → Not really. I do have a couple friends.
• Can I control it? → Yes, I can keep trying and practice talking to people.
• Is it kind? → Nope, it’s mean.

So → it’s a negative thought, and it’s time to challenge it with something more helpful like: “Making friends is hard sometimes, but I’m learning.”

🌸 Remember: You are not your thoughts. Thoughts are just words and ideas your brain comes up with. You get to decide which ones you want to keep and which ones you want to toss out.

‍